About Long Distance Relationships
If it survives the distance, it can go the distance.
- Talk about how to talk. How you generally want to talk, what times and for how long.
- Prioritize talking with each other consistently, but not too much.
- Learn to ask good questions and listen well. Talking is all you have. Ask questions that make them think and help you understand them better.
- You should be able to talk about anything. If you have something serious to talk about, call each other.
- Read a book at the same time or watch a movie and then discuss them.
- Write letters.
- Discuss how you deal with pressure, talk about how you usually talk/react when stressed.
- Learn some basic conflict management strategies and discuss them with your partner before you find yourself mid-fight. Take a deep breath or a 20 minutes break.
- Learn to recognize and control you emotions.
- Support him, be strong for both of you.
- Take his perspective.
- Build a love map. Gather information about him, his interests, stories, what you love and admire about him.
- Make a plan for when you are lonely or sad.
- Discuss the ground rules of the relationship.
- Figure out what works for you when it comes to coping with distance.
- Have some interests outside of the relationship, also focus on other important relationships.
- When you visit, don't just sit on a couch.
- Treat yourself gently after farewells.
- If done right, this time apart can actually be helpful to your relationship. It is giving you a chance to live your own life, while still being in love. Use this time to work on yourself professionally, physically and mentally. With your schedule freed up from date nights, plan fun things to do with your family and friends because once you finally get to see your love, chances are you two will be spending a surplus of time with one another.
How to simplify a complicated relationship
Why is your relationship complicated in the first place?
Stop being dramatic. – Start spending less time gossiping about problems and more time helping yourself and others solve them. Stay out of people’s needless drama and don’t create your own.
Stop being inefficient simply because you’ve always done it that way. – Start opening your mind to making positive changes. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Many times we live with unplanned, complex systems in our lives simply because we haven’t given them much thought. Instead, streamline your life by finding better ways of handling common tasks. Focus on one system at a time (your cleaning system, your errands system, your paperwork system, your email system, etc.) and try to make it simplified, efficient, and logical. Then, once you have it perfected, stick to it.
Stop waiting for things to be perfect. – Start thinking of how many things don’t get done in this world simply because people are waiting for the perfect time, place and circumstance. If you’re waiting for the perfect conditions, ideas or plans to get started, you’ll never achieve anything. A good idea without action is nothing at all. Keep it simple and just start. Focus on the next positive step forward.
Stop giving what you don’t want to receive. – Start practicing the golden rule. If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you want money, provide value. It works. It really is this simple
Have you ever thought to yourself “I love him, but…”? If there is a but, you instantly need complicated relationship advice. If you love someone and everything is going alright, there are no buts. What is the complication? Does he have a bad temper? He does things you can’t accept? Here is the thing: you have to set rules. Keep in mind that men are willing to go lengths you allow them to. Once you tell them what rules they have to follow, they will do so (of they love you too).
Maybe you are the one making it complicated. Regardless of what the problem might be, the best thing you could do is to talk about it. To make sure that this will be efficient, you should make it an appointment. Set a time that works for the both of you and that you know you will use to discuss this matter only. There might be a simple solution you never thought about, you just have to raise the issue. When discussing the matter, make sure not to blame each other and try to stay objective. Don’t bring up past mistakes and don’t start accusing him. This way you will be able to truly communicate and you will find the thing that isn’t working in your relationship or that you think isn’t working.
You have to look at this person you love and be willing to see their faults and love them regardless. If you aren't able to see them as an imperfect individual, the first time they hurt your feelings, forget an anniversary gift or load the dishwasher the wrong way, it's going to break your heart.
If you find that your dear partner has done something that annoys you or defies your expectations, tell them! No need to be aggressive or confrontational, just let them know, and be ready to compromise.
Just go with the flow in your relationship. Do what you feel like doing, in a positive way.
So much of the complication in relationships comes from within ourselves. You have thoughts and frustrations that you keep inside, maybe to avoid complicating your relationship with conflict (oh, sweet irony), until one day it all comes pouring out onto your unsuspecting partner.
Don't hold on to the past. If he/ she has done something before and now does it again, don't think about how many times he has done it, just try to understand why he did in this moment, right now, ask him, talk about it, as calmly and positive as you can.
If you find yourself having to rebuild trust, you may lament that your relationship has now become complicated, but abiding by the rules about communication and letting go will help return some simplicity.
Consider your partner's feelings, and take into account their desires. Make a genuine effort to put them first as often as you can. Surprise them with a gift, text them from work, or do their least favorite chore without prompting.
Don’t place unrealistic expectations on your partner (or yourself). Getting married or being in any serious relationship doesn’t mean you sign away your humanity. Regardless of your gender, you will inevitably still be attracted to other people, & that doesn’t lessen the love you feel for your partner. It’s just part of being a human being. Just be cognizant of it & know your limits. Don’t be one of those childish people who expects their partner to suddenly think they are the only sexy person on planet Earth. That just screams of insecurity. Just let out all of your sexual energy on each other & you’ll be just fine.
Never stop getting to know your partner. After you’ve been together a long time, it’s so easy to think you’ve already figured someone out & to stop putting in the time to really understand each other because you think you already know it all. Trust me, I know. My husband & I had been together almost a decade by the time we got married. But I’m still pleasantly surprised to find out that we don’t know everything about each other. There is always more to learn & that’s part of what makes a relationship fun. As an addendum, if your relationship is right, marriage shouldn’t change things very much because the relationship was already there.
Don’t feel the need to spend every single second together. A truly great relationship will give you the confidence to be alone sometimes. Or to be apart & know that things are still going to be ok. If your partner wants a day or two to spend with their friends or family without you, let them. Couples who really trust each other don’t feel the need to be together 24/7. You were a person before you met your partner & you’re still your own person even with them. Don’t forget that.
Remember that hurt people, hurt people. - To develop the attitude of tenderhearted mercy means to actively and intentionally feel within us the pain and suffering of others. Relationships get complicated when we play defense only and receive everything as a personal attack against us, rather than someone lashing out from a place of pain.
Things you can do when you are apart:
- Watch movies or TV shows simultaneously together!
- Ask questions about each other.
- Play a game together
- Truth or dare
- Learn together. Ex: psychology or self development.
- Karaoke
- Read a book together.
- Plan your next visit
- Play phone games: ABC Game, 21 Questions, 3 word story game, name that tune, 2 truths 1 lie.
- Write what you loved about your relationship this week/ month, what went well and what not. Do this every now and then.
- Record a virtual tour of your neighborhood!
- Prank them
- Create a font from your own handwriting: http://www.yourfonts.com/
- Send “Open When” letters - Write some encouraging notes for when the other may be feeling sad or lonely or stressed. This is the perfect pick-me-up when you guys aren’t together.
- Take an online quiz and discuss your results
- Share a journal - Go back and forth and write different entries. Read what the other one wrote and either respond or expand to it. One day, this journal will make for amazing memories.
- Create a digital photo album together - A lot of sites at digital photo albums for you to click and drop photos into. Work on one together, and then order a hardcopy once it’s complete.
- Play on Pinterest - Set up a joint Pinterest account and create boards like “future house”, “vacations”, “wedding ideas”. You can visualize what the other person’s dreams are for your relationship.
- Capture Your Lives On Camera - If you don't have a great deal of time to spend talking to each other, take photos of the things you are doing apart and send them to each other. When my husband went rafting for a weekend with his friends, he sent me several photos every day of his shenanigans. I, on the other hand, made his mouth water by sending him pictures of all the tasty meals and desserts I was making.
- Create A Competitive Element - Sometimes just talking, talking, talking can get a bit stale. When you are together you can do all sorts of fun things but being apart means most interactions begin and end with talking. We had a running words with friends competition the entire time we were apart, so when we weren't feeling particularly chatty, we'd battle it out on the scrabble board.
- Have an origami competition - This requires nothing but a piece of paper cut into a square and a webcam or phone with a camera to compare final products. When my boyfriend and I tried it, we chose to make paper cranes. We followed the same set of directions online and took our time to try to make the better crane. My boyfriend got points for being much faster, but I won anyway since his crane looked like a pile of mush.
- Blind drawing challenge - This is a challenge designed to see how well you can communicate with one another. Do an image search online for some abstract geometric shapes and patterns. (Or search for tangrams shapes.) Something that could work well is an image of two slanted rectangles intersected by an arrow shape, all inside of a circle. The partner who finds the image online has one minute to give instructions to the other, describing exactly how to draw the shapes. The second partner must draw silently and cannot ask for clarification. After the minute is up, compare the drawing to the actual image and see how well (or terribly) you did.
- Websites: http://www.ldrmagazine.com/blog/2014/06/15/130- things-to-do-together-online-real-time/
Things you can do when you are together:
*To be continued*
